Thursday, February 05, 2009

Ten ways to say I love you without actually saying it…

A few months ago, by chance (or by misfortune), I found myself in a bridal shower. For those of us who never attended a bridal shower (most men), it is an anti-men ceremony - A male lynch mob of event. In between all the male bashing, I decided to join the discussion (bad mistake). I was able to analyze most of the rambling (complaints) and came to a conclusion that one of the root of the women’s animosity was due to some men’s inability to express love in a meaningful way. This helped me to understand why most of our sisters in a disjointed relationship are totally disconnected with their partners and as a result, leading to cheating with another man. This article is not for everyone, but for the romantic deficient African man who for some reason cannot say “I love you” unless he is ready to do you know what. There is no question that we (men) love our significant others but out of cultural taboo, some men find it very difficult to express love towards their “significant other”. As a result, their children grow up with little knowledge on expressing love in a non-sexual way (and the cycle is repeated again). For my romantic deficient African brothers, here are top 10 ways to keep your significant others smiling and get her thinking of you every second of the day.

These suggestions are not expensive (save the big spending for a special day). Constant gestures can go a long way in solidifying your relationship and in the long run give you a lasting peace of mind.
1. Send her a bouquet of red roses (or uncommon flowers) to her place of work. For less than $29.99, you can do it directly from your computer (I strongly recommend - their service is impeccable). Your partner will be the envy of her co-workers for at least one week. All women love surprises or being the center of attention

2. Sing a few lines of your ‘special’ song into her voice mail. Regardless how tone-deaf you are, she will find it amusing and interesting. Send her a text message telling her how much you love her and can’t wait for her to get home. Send her a text message just because you are missing her.

3. Never (never) forget her birthday, your wedding anniversary or other special days.

4. Send her an online greeting card. There are many wonderfully creative web sites out there where you can send love e-cards for free – start today.

5. Take your partner on long walks and hold her hand. Go to the park and watch the kids play (if you have kids). Go on a swing together. Let your childhood come out. Just be yourself.

6. Cook a simple dinner to appreciate her before she gets home (It does not have to be a romantic dinner). Regardless how bad your cooking is, she will appreciate the love, caring and attention. If possible try to cook her favorite food. If you can’t, buy it from a restaurant - remove it out of the container and have it on dinner plates ready for her.

7. Write a romantic love letter or love note. Write your thoughts down and mail it to her even if both of you are living in the same house. You will see the surprise in her face after receiving a romantic letter in the mail even though you live in the same house!

8. Victoria Secret always has sales! ( Believe this or not.. this is my second favorite store.. a different story ) Try to stop by once in a while. With less than $30, you can put a smile in her face. A simple candle, night gown or a perfume is as good as lingerie.

9. Close your bedroom door, unplug the phone, turn off the TV/radio/computer, and just focus on each other. Light candles, play soft music (preferably jazz - but that's up to you), watch a video of her choice. Snuggle with your significant other! Whatever happens after that happens! Wink,,,

10. Always tell each other "I love you". Don't just say it in passing, where it may become said out of habit and lose its meaning. Look your spouse deep in their eyes, take her hands in yours, and tell her that you love her with all your heart and how much she means to you.

These are suggestions to jump start or improve your relationship. Study your partner and give her whatever you think will make her happy. Relationship takes time and effort - invest in it and the reward is great. It is a peace of mind that money cannot buy. If you have comments or questions regarding this article, please feel free to send an email me at