Ten ways to say I love you without actually saying it…

A few months ago, by chance (or by misfortune), I found myself in a bridal shower. For those of us who never attended a bridal shower (most men), it is an anti-men ceremony - A male lynch mob of event. In between all the male bashing, I decided to join the discussion (bad mistake). I was able to analyze most of the rambling (complaints) and came to a conclusion that one of the root of the women’s animosity was due to some men’s inability to express love in a meaningful way. This helped me to understand why most of our sisters in a disjointed relationship are totally disconnected with their partners and as a result, leading to cheating with another man. This article is not for everyone, but for the romantic deficient African man who for some reason cannot say “I love you” unless he is ready to do you know what. There is no question that we (men) love our significant others but out of cultural taboo, some men find it very difficult to express love towards their “significant other”. As a result, their children grow up with little knowledge on expressing love in a non-sexual way (and the cycle is repeated again). For my romantic deficient African brothers, here are top 10 ways to keep your significant others smiling and get her thinking of you every second of the day.

These suggestions are not expensive (save the big spending for a special day). Constant gestures can go a long way in solidifying your relationship and in the long run give you a lasting peace of mind.
1. Send her a bouquet of red roses (or uncommon flowers) to her place of work. For less than $29.99, you can do it directly from your computer (I strongly recommend www.flowers.com - their service is impeccable). Your partner will be the envy of her co-workers for at least one week. All women love surprises or being the center of attention

2. Sing a few lines of your ‘special’ song into her voice mail. Regardless how tone-deaf you are, she will find it amusing and interesting. Send her a text message telling her how much you love her and can’t wait for her to get home. Send her a text message just because you are missing her.

3. Never (never) forget her birthday, your wedding anniversary or other special days.

4. Send her an online greeting card. There are many wonderfully creative web sites out there where you can send love e-cards for free – start today.

5. Take your partner on long walks and hold her hand. Go to the park and watch the kids play (if you have kids). Go on a swing together. Let your childhood come out. Just be yourself.

6. Cook a simple dinner to appreciate her before she gets home (It does not have to be a romantic dinner). Regardless how bad your cooking is, she will appreciate the love, caring and attention. If possible try to cook her favorite food. If you can’t, buy it from a restaurant - remove it out of the container and have it on dinner plates ready for her.

7. Write a romantic love letter or love note. Write your thoughts down and mail it to her even if both of you are living in the same house. You will see the surprise in her face after receiving a romantic letter in the mail even though you live in the same house!

8. Victoria Secret always has sales! ( Believe this or not.. this is my second favorite store.. a different story ) Try to stop by once in a while. With less than $30, you can put a smile in her face. A simple candle, night gown or a perfume is as good as lingerie.

9. Close your bedroom door, unplug the phone, turn off the TV/radio/computer, and just focus on each other. Light candles, play soft music (preferably jazz - but that's up to you), watch a video of her choice. Snuggle with your significant other! Whatever happens after that happens! Wink,,,

10. Always tell each other "I love you". Don't just say it in passing, where it may become said out of habit and lose its meaning. Look your spouse deep in their eyes, take her hands in yours, and tell her that you love her with all your heart and how much she means to you.

These are suggestions to jump start or improve your relationship. Study your partner and give her whatever you think will make her happy. Relationship takes time and effort - invest in it and the reward is great. It is a peace of mind that money cannot buy. If you have comments or questions regarding this article, please feel free to send an email me at deji@xprexxion.com

Deji is a bush man!

It is unarguable that I had fun this summer. I had my share of traveling and meeting people. People that I will never forget, “the Yosimilale’s” “The pade mi ni sa le” “the sugar mama wannabe” “the aunty of aunties” and how can I forget the “the wannabes” but the story that I will never forget anytime soon was my trip to New York. Over the past few months, I have been home sick (ekiti) and wanted some home cooked meal. As usual, I notified my friends in New York that I will be there for four days covering an event.

On Friday after I got to New York, Ronke called me, “Mr. Xprexxion, how was your trip, my husband and I will stop by at your hotel to take you out for dinner” This is my first time meeting them even though we had exchanged emails and comments on facebook. First impression is the best impression; so I quickly jumped into shower, picked out my best shirt and got dressed. I must admit, I was looking fine and neat.

An hour later, I met them in the hotel lobby; there were four of them, Ronke, her husband and two other ladies (Shola and Teju). They all agreed that they should take me to a Naija restaurant because over the past few weeks I had been mesmerizing about naija foods. They claimed that the restaurant is the best naija restaurant in NY area. An hour later, we arrived at the restaurant. It was time to order, everyone ordered pounded yam, Amala, Eba rounding it out with assorted meats and fish both dried and fresh. You would think it was a feast for a whole village. Initially I was thinking to myself, I hope they are not expecting me to pay for all of these. Before I could say anything, Ronke’s husband quickly said, “don’t worry, everything is on me”. That was close, car note is due soon and so is the mortgage.

I ordered rice with dodo and assorted meat. Before I could place my order with the waitress, Ronke interject, “Mr. Xprexxion, rice! No way!!!!!!!!! You are going to have either pounded yam or eba” Reluctantly, I changed my order to eba with okra soup with fresh fish and assorted meat. Few minutes later, the waitress delivered the food. Everyone dug in with fork and knife. Fork and knife? For Eba and Iyan? Nonsense! I’m an ekiti man………am going to use my hand. I refused to eat; I was waiting on the waitress to bring me water to wash my hand just like my grandfather in the village.. Few minutes later, Teju said “Deji aint u going to eat. I beg eat with fork jaree.. U this ekitiman” Reluctantly, I started eating eba and okra soup with fork. Can you imagine! Assault and insult on tradition using fork with okra soup. We had completely sold out our culture to the white man. No big deal.. it took me a few minutes to get used to it.

In the process of running my mouth and I forgot that I was eating draw soup with fork. I almost finished the food so I decided to eat one of the meat as I was about to put the meat in my mouth with the fork, it dropped and rolled off my nice white shirt into my lap creating a nice red streak of okra soup on my shirt. There was a silence in the room.. no one want to speak. Embarrassed and upset got up and tried to clean it. Can you imagine.. room filled with all Xprexxion Omoges and readers and am walking around with okra stained white shirt.

So much for the first impression. Spent the rest of the afternoon in an okra stained white shirt. From now on, am using the instrument that God gave me to eat, my hands. There is a reason why our for-fathers were using their hands to eat pounded yam and eba.

Breath mints and Respect; 2008 Priorities for men

Initially, I was not planning to write on this subject until last Saturday when I was at Eni & Tunde’s Engagement Celebration in Maryland (Congratulations Eni & Tunde). At the event, my stomach was turning not because of the food, the food was hmmm….. excellent, but because of the men and their behaviors at the event. Here is my list of top 10 no! no! for 2008. This is for the real men and men behaving like boys.

1. Breath mints: Yes breath mints. Am putting this one up first because it is a conversation killer if your breath is kicking. This is a big problem that has a small solution. One or two breath mints will save the day. Please do not chew chewing gun. There is nothing more ghetto than a grown man popping gum. Apart from the fact that it’s annoying, it makes you look as if you are eating the same piece of meat over and over.

2. Look with respect: Am as culpable of this one as the next men. No need to stare at her. She is not the latest car on display even though she is displaying her goods or her “girls”. If you must look, look from the corner of your eyes. At Eni’s engagement this weekend, a particular fellow was looking so hard at a lady’s see-thru blouse that he bumped into another person coming towards him with a plate of food in her hand which messed up his white agbada with a plate full of fried rice and juicy dripping efo soup. What a mess!! That fellow’s outfit is forever ruined - all because of temptation that he can’t and will never have! I bet you he will not tell his wife the honest truth how the expensive agbada purchased by the wife got ruined.

3. Toasting (or getting fresh with the ladies): hmmm….. I can write about this forever. Guys, there is right way to approach and converse with a female. Toasting her on the dance floor makes you look shabby. Toasting must be done tactfully so that if she turned you down, she would turn you down where video camera can’t pick it up. Study and study and study more before you approached her. Be honest with yourself if you have any chance before approaching her. Keep in mind that level pass level. Because the two of you are the same age does not mean she is on your level. When you toast on your level, your chance of rejection will be lesser. Identify and toast on your own level. Grown men, toasting a lady that is old enough to be your great grand daughter is not cool! You are an uncle – start acting like it.

4. Not every woman at a party is looking for a man: You are married! Stop looking. She doesn’t want you. You can’t get her. You can’t afford her!

5. The right under-shirt: Please wear the right shirt underneath your clothes. Always wear an “A shirt” underneath your Naija attire. It looks ridiculous when your “T-Shirt” is showing outside your attire. It ruins the perfect picture and makes you look tacky amongst of the ladies

6. Dress appropriately: There is a place and time for everything. Make sure that you are dressing appropriately for the event. Wearing a 2-piece suit to an all night Nigerian party is not right and neither is it cool. It makes you look like one stiff boo zoo. Wearing a laced shoe with a native is not cultured. Over accessorized with jewelry – this is too much! you are a male! Please make sure that the Nigerian attire is clean and smell good. I was once at a party and an “uncle” walked past me. All I could say to myself was “Lord help me!”. You can still smell the food and sweat from the last time he wore it. Dry clean is only $15 for a complete Agbada – please seize this opportunity in order to save yourself from embarrassment.

7. Grooming: A nice fade is necessary for a hair cut (or what is befitting to the overall look). Looking like you just came out of the jungle (looking like Tarzan) will not attract anyone to you and if you are already married, it can make your wife to secretly look at another well groomed man. Women love their men to look sharp and nice. It is their joy and pride to walk into a party hall with a well dressed man. She deserves it even if you are terrible in bed. Trim your facial hair or shave it. I am simply saying men should spend their $10-$20 to get a nice hair cut.

8. Spraying: Spraying your lunch money and gas money on a lady that you have no chance with is ridiculous because you want to pretend that you are a big man. She can see through it. She will simply take your money and walked away. After the party is over, you will need to borrow money from your friends to buy gas - not cool at all!

9. Presentation: The key to getting the approval of the opposite sex is how you present yourself. Sitting down with your boys and drinking Heinekens or Guinness at a party, talking loud and acting obnoxious is not a good thing. Keep in mind females are like video camera – if not better because their eyes rotate more than the best camera in the market. They see everything and they remember everything. When the time comes for you to approach them, they will remember how you made a fool of yourself in public and turn you down without thinking twice. You will be wondering why you are still single at 35 years old.

10. Respect the female: no matter how ugly her behavior is, remember she is someone’s sister and a future mother. This is a topic for another day. Men need to learn how to respect our ladies in public.

The list is more than this but I just wanted to keep it to the top 10.
There are more areas we can work on but first thing first, we must improve our relationship with our ladies. Be considerate and keep in mind that there are many eyes watching you at an event/party. So please act like you have sense and from a decent family.
Till Next time……..

Giving You The Best That I Got

Giving You The Best That I Got

Ain't there something I can give you
In exchange for everything you give to me
Read my mind and make me feel just fine
When I think my peace of mind is out
of reach

The scales are sometimes unbalanced
And you bear the weight of all that has to be
I hope you see that you can lean on me
And together we can calm a stormy sea

Everybody's got opinions
'Bout the way they think our story's gonna end
Some folks feel it's just a superficial thrill
Everybody's gonna have to think again

We love so strong and so unselfishly
They don't bother me so I'm gonna keep on
Giving you the best that I got, baby
They don't bother me, said I'm gonna keep on
Giving you the best that I got, listen baby

My weary mind is rested
And I feel as if my home is in your arms
Fears are all gone, I like the sound of your song
And I think I want to sing it forever


....Just thinking about you! lol...

Credits:
song by Anita Baker
edited to fit need: Deji Ajikawo
Writer: Anita Baker

You Got What?

Who could possibly be calling me this late at night. It is 9.00p.m. am enjoying my fresh fish and red wine for dinner; watching CNN. Life can not be better. The phone kept on ringing continually as if the person knows that am purposely avoiding the call. With anger, I summoned the courage and picked the phone up. “Why are you trying to avoid my call?” was the first thing she said. Dumfounded, am trying to figure out the person on the other end that have the nerves to call me and greeted me with those words and she is not my mother. After a few silence, she introduced herself. An old friend of mine from the good old days of the past. (smiling.. hmmm) (to protect her identity, I will call her “Mo”) . Noble, she said. (Noble was my nickname when I was at University of Maryland). I saw your number on your facebook page and I decided to call you up since am in Maryland again. Hmm.. Another thought was going thru my head. Lord please deliver me from temptation. I promise to be a good boy this year.

After a few minute of exchanging pleasantries, she still sound as sexy as ever on the phone, she asked me when am I coming to visit her. Coming to visit you! You don't evenly asked me if am married or in a relationship. At this point my mind was in the gutters like every other man in my situation would be. Hmm.. clearing my throat. Lord! This is not part of the bargain. Reluctantly, not to be rude, I asked for her address. She said, am staying at Washington Hospital Center, 3rd floor. Washington Hospital center? I exclaimed in my mind. What is wrong was my next question. She replied with a voice that can melt a rock, I will tell you when you get here. This does not sound good. At this point my mind was out of the gutter and different thoughts were going thru it. Quickly I went to the hospital to meet her. She had lost weight; looking freight like a ghost. “Mo” what is wrong? Are you ok? (Don’t you just hate it when people ask you an obvious question.. No she is not ok. If she is ok she wouldn’t be at the hospital).

She took a deep breath and said, “Noble, will you make me laugh. I still remember your silly jokes and funny faces”. How can I make you laugh, I don’t even know what is wrong with you or why you are here or why you insisted that you must see me. From my look, she realized that am not comfortable in the room. She took another breath and said, “Noble, am dying of breast cancer” “Your girls are killing me” . Speechless, don’t know what to say or do. She was only 34years old. Young and pretty. How? Why? What? And where? This is not a Nigerian disease. This is supposed to be an American disease. Foolish and ignorant of me; breast cancer is a woman disease regardless of the race or place of residence.

There were so many questions running thru my head. But it was too late. All I could do was hold her hand and tell jokes. We laughed and laughed thru out the night. The nurse came in and asked me to leave. We both lied and said I was her husband. Breast cancer at a tender age. All she could say was she wished that she had paid more attention to her health and not try to self diagnose it. According to her, the signs were there but she was too busy with work and self medicated with advil and blame tenderness on her breast with her monthly. When she told her mother of persist sickness and tiredness, they attributed it to some kind of issue from the family back home. By the time she went to the doctor for medical checkup she was at an advance stages. On my way out in the morning, we hugged and cried and laughed more and told silly jokes. Couldnt hold off my tears in the car. The more I cried the more I remembered the good times at the museums in Washington, D.C. and the prank at the Zoo and thank God for her brief life. Days later after my visit, she was gone! Gone forever never again to see "Mo" .

To all my sisters, female friends, please take the time to do your yearly medical checkup. It can save your life. Talk to your parents about past medical history and death history in your family. Xprexxion magazine may be able to pay for a simple mammogram if there is no other alternative. Not everything is caused by your enemy or your step mother or the witch next door or the devil. God can only help those that helped themselves. Learn about your body. There will be no untimely death amongst us in Jesus name again.

Say what? She asked for what?

Blogger: Xprexxion Magazine - Create PostAs usually, am always confronted with uncomfortable situations. I usually know how to talk my way through or advise my way out of it. This particular situation took me by surprise and made me speechless. I was watching the Washington Redskins getting beat like a step child by New York Giants on a nice Thursday afternoon when the phone call came in. A friend of mine wants to come and see me at home and it is important. As much as I don’t like visitors in my house, I agreed. An hour later, he arrived like a puppy looking for his owner.

My friend, what is the situation? I asked. After a few minutes of deep breath, he asked me not to laugh and it is a very sensitive subject. At this point am already laughing inside. He started by saying his girlfriend’s birthday is next week and she wants a dildo for her birthday. A what?!?! I exclaimed with a surprised face. She must be joking!! No, she is not. He replied. To make sure that I heard him correctly, I asked again. At this point am speechless. Didn’t know what to say, I asked, isn’t she a Nigerian? Yes of course! he replies. At this point I didn’t know what to say. Is she trying to tell him that he is not “Mr. Capable”? Or is she a liberated Naija woman that wants to be satisfied?

Am at lost for words. The birthday is coming and he is confused about what to do. He is seriously contemplating breaking up with her because of her gift request. Every time I think of it, I laugh. To me, it is more like a punishment. I try to imagine what was going through her mind when she was telling him of her birthday gift request “Go to store and get me the big black_______ since you are not capable”

This is my latest story in my series of “Temptation: Lord! Please deliver me”

Why Obama? (Scratching my head and thinking loud)

Why Obama?

Why Obama was the question that I asked this Obama T-shirt wearing buffoon at the airport over the weekend. As expected, he replied “Because he is black”. Could someone shoot me now! So I don’t have to slap him into reality. “Because he is black!” Is that sufficient enough to vote into office someone that has the power with a stroke of pen to wipe out the whole Nigeria economy? Or make an executive order that can make life miserable for all foreigners in this country?

Are we Obama crazy because he is black or because of the policy he is proposing? Will we be crazy about him if he is not black? When we as a race will stop making judgment or decision because of the skin color? Behind all of his shouting and moving speeches, is he making sense? What are his policies regarding us foreigners? Are we been taking for a ride as always?
Unfortunately, we don’t have so much to choose from, as a friend of mine once said, a know devil is better than new devil? But what do we know about both of them, McCain and Obama? Are the media shoving Obama into our face as the anointed because he makes a good read and story line because of his skin color?

He (Obama) decided to go on a foreign country tour to acclimate himself with foreign affairs in order for him to dismiss the notion that he is not seasoned in foreign policy. Out of about 10 countries he visited, not a single African country was on the list. I guess we are not that important.

The least he could do is to stop and refuel his plane in Nigeria and say hello to the country that is supplying his country with over one third of their oil or Kenya and say hello to his grandmother. If he so ashamed of the reality that he is black, at least he could stop at South Africa, I heard that some white people are still there. Oops, the president of South Africa is black so that is a no! no!!. He can't afford to let the white media labeled him as been too black or too African. Who knows, Jesse Jackson maybe right about what he said regarding Obama. Only time will tell.

Until there is another alternative, am keeping Obama 08 poster in my front lawn and keeping my mouth shut to prevent a beat down by “Obama cool-aid drinker fans”. If you can’t beat them, join them. It is sad that I will be voting for someone because of his skin color rather than his policy. Martin Luther King will be turning in his grave now.