Thursday, February 05, 2009

Ten ways to say I love you without actually saying it…

A few months ago, by chance (or by misfortune), I found myself in a bridal shower. For those of us who never attended a bridal shower (most men), it is an anti-men ceremony - A male lynch mob of event. In between all the male bashing, I decided to join the discussion (bad mistake). I was able to analyze most of the rambling (complaints) and came to a conclusion that one of the root of the women’s animosity was due to some men’s inability to express love in a meaningful way. This helped me to understand why most of our sisters in a disjointed relationship are totally disconnected with their partners and as a result, leading to cheating with another man. This article is not for everyone, but for the romantic deficient African man who for some reason cannot say “I love you” unless he is ready to do you know what. There is no question that we (men) love our significant others but out of cultural taboo, some men find it very difficult to express love towards their “significant other”. As a result, their children grow up with little knowledge on expressing love in a non-sexual way (and the cycle is repeated again). For my romantic deficient African brothers, here are top 10 ways to keep your significant others smiling and get her thinking of you every second of the day.

These suggestions are not expensive (save the big spending for a special day). Constant gestures can go a long way in solidifying your relationship and in the long run give you a lasting peace of mind.
1. Send her a bouquet of red roses (or uncommon flowers) to her place of work. For less than $29.99, you can do it directly from your computer (I strongly recommend - their service is impeccable). Your partner will be the envy of her co-workers for at least one week. All women love surprises or being the center of attention

2. Sing a few lines of your ‘special’ song into her voice mail. Regardless how tone-deaf you are, she will find it amusing and interesting. Send her a text message telling her how much you love her and can’t wait for her to get home. Send her a text message just because you are missing her.

3. Never (never) forget her birthday, your wedding anniversary or other special days.

4. Send her an online greeting card. There are many wonderfully creative web sites out there where you can send love e-cards for free – start today.

5. Take your partner on long walks and hold her hand. Go to the park and watch the kids play (if you have kids). Go on a swing together. Let your childhood come out. Just be yourself.

6. Cook a simple dinner to appreciate her before she gets home (It does not have to be a romantic dinner). Regardless how bad your cooking is, she will appreciate the love, caring and attention. If possible try to cook her favorite food. If you can’t, buy it from a restaurant - remove it out of the container and have it on dinner plates ready for her.

7. Write a romantic love letter or love note. Write your thoughts down and mail it to her even if both of you are living in the same house. You will see the surprise in her face after receiving a romantic letter in the mail even though you live in the same house!

8. Victoria Secret always has sales! ( Believe this or not.. this is my second favorite store.. a different story ) Try to stop by once in a while. With less than $30, you can put a smile in her face. A simple candle, night gown or a perfume is as good as lingerie.

9. Close your bedroom door, unplug the phone, turn off the TV/radio/computer, and just focus on each other. Light candles, play soft music (preferably jazz - but that's up to you), watch a video of her choice. Snuggle with your significant other! Whatever happens after that happens! Wink,,,

10. Always tell each other "I love you". Don't just say it in passing, where it may become said out of habit and lose its meaning. Look your spouse deep in their eyes, take her hands in yours, and tell her that you love her with all your heart and how much she means to you.

These are suggestions to jump start or improve your relationship. Study your partner and give her whatever you think will make her happy. Relationship takes time and effort - invest in it and the reward is great. It is a peace of mind that money cannot buy. If you have comments or questions regarding this article, please feel free to send an email me at

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Deji is a bush man!

It is unarguable that I had fun this summer. I had my share of traveling and meeting people. People that I will never forget, “the Yosimilale’s” “The pade mi ni sa le” “the sugar mama wannabe” “the aunty of aunties” and how can I forget the “the wannabes” but the story that I will never forget anytime soon was my trip to New York. Over the past few months, I have been home sick (ekiti) and wanted some home cooked meal. As usual, I notified my friends in New York that I will be there for four days covering an event.

On Friday after I got to New York, Ronke called me, “Mr. Xprexxion, how was your trip, my husband and I will stop by at your hotel to take you out for dinner” This is my first time meeting them even though we had exchanged emails and comments on facebook. First impression is the best impression; so I quickly jumped into shower, picked out my best shirt and got dressed. I must admit, I was looking fine and neat.

An hour later, I met them in the hotel lobby; there were four of them, Ronke, her husband and two other ladies (Shola and Teju). They all agreed that they should take me to a Naija restaurant because over the past few weeks I had been mesmerizing about naija foods. They claimed that the restaurant is the best naija restaurant in NY area. An hour later, we arrived at the restaurant. It was time to order, everyone ordered pounded yam, Amala, Eba rounding it out with assorted meats and fish both dried and fresh. You would think it was a feast for a whole village. Initially I was thinking to myself, I hope they are not expecting me to pay for all of these. Before I could say anything, Ronke’s husband quickly said, “don’t worry, everything is on me”. That was close, car note is due soon and so is the mortgage.

I ordered rice with dodo and assorted meat. Before I could place my order with the waitress, Ronke interject, “Mr. Xprexxion, rice! No way!!!!!!!!! You are going to have either pounded yam or eba” Reluctantly, I changed my order to eba with okra soup with fresh fish and assorted meat. Few minutes later, the waitress delivered the food. Everyone dug in with fork and knife. Fork and knife? For Eba and Iyan? Nonsense! I’m an ekiti man………am going to use my hand. I refused to eat; I was waiting on the waitress to bring me water to wash my hand just like my grandfather in the village.. Few minutes later, Teju said “Deji aint u going to eat. I beg eat with fork jaree.. U this ekitiman” Reluctantly, I started eating eba and okra soup with fork. Can you imagine! Assault and insult on tradition using fork with okra soup. We had completely sold out our culture to the white man. No big deal.. it took me a few minutes to get used to it.

In the process of running my mouth and I forgot that I was eating draw soup with fork. I almost finished the food so I decided to eat one of the meat as I was about to put the meat in my mouth with the fork, it dropped and rolled off my nice white shirt into my lap creating a nice red streak of okra soup on my shirt. There was a silence in the room.. no one want to speak. Embarrassed and upset got up and tried to clean it. Can you imagine.. room filled with all Xprexxion Omoges and readers and am walking around with okra stained white shirt.

So much for the first impression. Spent the rest of the afternoon in an okra stained white shirt. From now on, am using the instrument that God gave me to eat, my hands. There is a reason why our for-fathers were using their hands to eat pounded yam and eba.