Saturday, November 08, 2008

Breath mints and Respect; 2008 Priorities for men

Initially, I was not planning to write on this subject until last Saturday when I was at Eni & Tunde’s Engagement Celebration in Maryland (Congratulations Eni & Tunde). At the event, my stomach was turning not because of the food, the food was hmmm….. excellent, but because of the men and their behaviors at the event. Here is my list of top 10 no! no! for 2008. This is for the real men and men behaving like boys.

1. Breath mints: Yes breath mints. Am putting this one up first because it is a conversation killer if your breath is kicking. This is a big problem that has a small solution. One or two breath mints will save the day. Please do not chew chewing gun. There is nothing more ghetto than a grown man popping gum. Apart from the fact that it’s annoying, it makes you look as if you are eating the same piece of meat over and over.

2. Look with respect: Am as culpable of this one as the next men. No need to stare at her. She is not the latest car on display even though she is displaying her goods or her “girls”. If you must look, look from the corner of your eyes. At Eni’s engagement this weekend, a particular fellow was looking so hard at a lady’s see-thru blouse that he bumped into another person coming towards him with a plate of food in her hand which messed up his white agbada with a plate full of fried rice and juicy dripping efo soup. What a mess!! That fellow’s outfit is forever ruined - all because of temptation that he can’t and will never have! I bet you he will not tell his wife the honest truth how the expensive agbada purchased by the wife got ruined.

3. Toasting (or getting fresh with the ladies): hmmm….. I can write about this forever. Guys, there is right way to approach and converse with a female. Toasting her on the dance floor makes you look shabby. Toasting must be done tactfully so that if she turned you down, she would turn you down where video camera can’t pick it up. Study and study and study more before you approached her. Be honest with yourself if you have any chance before approaching her. Keep in mind that level pass level. Because the two of you are the same age does not mean she is on your level. When you toast on your level, your chance of rejection will be lesser. Identify and toast on your own level. Grown men, toasting a lady that is old enough to be your great grand daughter is not cool! You are an uncle – start acting like it.

4. Not every woman at a party is looking for a man: You are married! Stop looking. She doesn’t want you. You can’t get her. You can’t afford her!

5. The right under-shirt: Please wear the right shirt underneath your clothes. Always wear an “A shirt” underneath your Naija attire. It looks ridiculous when your “T-Shirt” is showing outside your attire. It ruins the perfect picture and makes you look tacky amongst of the ladies

6. Dress appropriately: There is a place and time for everything. Make sure that you are dressing appropriately for the event. Wearing a 2-piece suit to an all night Nigerian party is not right and neither is it cool. It makes you look like one stiff boo zoo. Wearing a laced shoe with a native is not cultured. Over accessorized with jewelry – this is too much! you are a male! Please make sure that the Nigerian attire is clean and smell good. I was once at a party and an “uncle” walked past me. All I could say to myself was “Lord help me!”. You can still smell the food and sweat from the last time he wore it. Dry clean is only $15 for a complete Agbada – please seize this opportunity in order to save yourself from embarrassment.

7. Grooming: A nice fade is necessary for a hair cut (or what is befitting to the overall look). Looking like you just came out of the jungle (looking like Tarzan) will not attract anyone to you and if you are already married, it can make your wife to secretly look at another well groomed man. Women love their men to look sharp and nice. It is their joy and pride to walk into a party hall with a well dressed man. She deserves it even if you are terrible in bed. Trim your facial hair or shave it. I am simply saying men should spend their $10-$20 to get a nice hair cut.

8. Spraying: Spraying your lunch money and gas money on a lady that you have no chance with is ridiculous because you want to pretend that you are a big man. She can see through it. She will simply take your money and walked away. After the party is over, you will need to borrow money from your friends to buy gas - not cool at all!

9. Presentation: The key to getting the approval of the opposite sex is how you present yourself. Sitting down with your boys and drinking Heinekens or Guinness at a party, talking loud and acting obnoxious is not a good thing. Keep in mind females are like video camera – if not better because their eyes rotate more than the best camera in the market. They see everything and they remember everything. When the time comes for you to approach them, they will remember how you made a fool of yourself in public and turn you down without thinking twice. You will be wondering why you are still single at 35 years old.

10. Respect the female: no matter how ugly her behavior is, remember she is someone’s sister and a future mother. This is a topic for another day. Men need to learn how to respect our ladies in public.

The list is more than this but I just wanted to keep it to the top 10.
There are more areas we can work on but first thing first, we must improve our relationship with our ladies. Be considerate and keep in mind that there are many eyes watching you at an event/party. So please act like you have sense and from a decent family.
Till Next time……..