Breath mints and Respect; 2008 Priorities for men

Initially, I was not planning to write on this subject until last Saturday when I was at Eni & Tunde’s Engagement Celebration in Maryland (Congratulations Eni & Tunde). At the event, my stomach was turning not because of the food, the food was hmmm….. excellent, but because of the men and their behaviors at the event. Here is my list of top 10 no! no! for 2008. This is for the real men and men behaving like boys.

1. Breath mints: Yes breath mints. Am putting this one up first because it is a conversation killer if your breath is kicking. This is a big problem that has a small solution. One or two breath mints will save the day. Please do not chew chewing gun. There is nothing more ghetto than a grown man popping gum. Apart from the fact that it’s annoying, it makes you look as if you are eating the same piece of meat over and over.

2. Look with respect: Am as culpable of this one as the next men. No need to stare at her. She is not the latest car on display even though she is displaying her goods or her “girls”. If you must look, look from the corner of your eyes. At Eni’s engagement this weekend, a particular fellow was looking so hard at a lady’s see-thru blouse that he bumped into another person coming towards him with a plate of food in her hand which messed up his white agbada with a plate full of fried rice and juicy dripping efo soup. What a mess!! That fellow’s outfit is forever ruined - all because of temptation that he can’t and will never have! I bet you he will not tell his wife the honest truth how the expensive agbada purchased by the wife got ruined.

3. Toasting (or getting fresh with the ladies): hmmm….. I can write about this forever. Guys, there is right way to approach and converse with a female. Toasting her on the dance floor makes you look shabby. Toasting must be done tactfully so that if she turned you down, she would turn you down where video camera can’t pick it up. Study and study and study more before you approached her. Be honest with yourself if you have any chance before approaching her. Keep in mind that level pass level. Because the two of you are the same age does not mean she is on your level. When you toast on your level, your chance of rejection will be lesser. Identify and toast on your own level. Grown men, toasting a lady that is old enough to be your great grand daughter is not cool! You are an uncle – start acting like it.

4. Not every woman at a party is looking for a man: You are married! Stop looking. She doesn’t want you. You can’t get her. You can’t afford her!

5. The right under-shirt: Please wear the right shirt underneath your clothes. Always wear an “A shirt” underneath your Naija attire. It looks ridiculous when your “T-Shirt” is showing outside your attire. It ruins the perfect picture and makes you look tacky amongst of the ladies

6. Dress appropriately: There is a place and time for everything. Make sure that you are dressing appropriately for the event. Wearing a 2-piece suit to an all night Nigerian party is not right and neither is it cool. It makes you look like one stiff boo zoo. Wearing a laced shoe with a native is not cultured. Over accessorized with jewelry – this is too much! you are a male! Please make sure that the Nigerian attire is clean and smell good. I was once at a party and an “uncle” walked past me. All I could say to myself was “Lord help me!”. You can still smell the food and sweat from the last time he wore it. Dry clean is only $15 for a complete Agbada – please seize this opportunity in order to save yourself from embarrassment.

7. Grooming: A nice fade is necessary for a hair cut (or what is befitting to the overall look). Looking like you just came out of the jungle (looking like Tarzan) will not attract anyone to you and if you are already married, it can make your wife to secretly look at another well groomed man. Women love their men to look sharp and nice. It is their joy and pride to walk into a party hall with a well dressed man. She deserves it even if you are terrible in bed. Trim your facial hair or shave it. I am simply saying men should spend their $10-$20 to get a nice hair cut.

8. Spraying: Spraying your lunch money and gas money on a lady that you have no chance with is ridiculous because you want to pretend that you are a big man. She can see through it. She will simply take your money and walked away. After the party is over, you will need to borrow money from your friends to buy gas - not cool at all!

9. Presentation: The key to getting the approval of the opposite sex is how you present yourself. Sitting down with your boys and drinking Heinekens or Guinness at a party, talking loud and acting obnoxious is not a good thing. Keep in mind females are like video camera – if not better because their eyes rotate more than the best camera in the market. They see everything and they remember everything. When the time comes for you to approach them, they will remember how you made a fool of yourself in public and turn you down without thinking twice. You will be wondering why you are still single at 35 years old.

10. Respect the female: no matter how ugly her behavior is, remember she is someone’s sister and a future mother. This is a topic for another day. Men need to learn how to respect our ladies in public.

The list is more than this but I just wanted to keep it to the top 10.
There are more areas we can work on but first thing first, we must improve our relationship with our ladies. Be considerate and keep in mind that there are many eyes watching you at an event/party. So please act like you have sense and from a decent family.
Till Next time……..

No! No! Not again in 2008 please!

Over the past one month I had been looking at pictures we took over the 2007 party season. Over 5000 pictures and surprisingly while most of them were fabulous, I noticed some less than glamorous situations. I must agree with Jay-Z. that African women are beautiful and can dress, most especially Nigerian women but there are times I wonder aloud, “What were you thinking about or did you look in the mirror before leaving the house”.
Here are my top 10 list of “what were you thinking about” or “Did you see the mirror”
1. Gele: If you can’t tie the gele, please ask someone to help you. Gele is the crown on the head of our Nigerian queens. You can’t just wrap it in your head like one oyinbo girl. You spend that much money on the outfit, please take the time to tie the gele.

2. Open toe shoe: I understand that it is cold outside, but why must you wear an open toe shoe with pantyhose under iro & buba.. simply tacky. Ladies, please if you are going to wear an open toe shoe, invest money in nail polish or pedicure. It costs between $15 to $25 at a nail salon. Disgusting.. simply disgusting. It’s not cute regardless how much the shoe cost or how well it matches the outfit.


3. Coordinate: Hmmmm.. everything does not have to be all pink.. try to mix colors. Do your best, if you’re not sure, ask a friend. Get a copy of Xprexxion magazine to see how to coordinate your colors.

4. See thru lace: Why and why must you go to a party with your unmentionables made public? As a man, I appreciate the peep show but please, if you are going to wear see thru lace, please wear a sexy bra underneath it. For $30 you can purchase a sexy bra at Victoria Secret or Fredrick’s of Hollywood. Why do women get upset when men are looking at the free show displayed? If you don’t want someone to look at it.. cover it up please. And Ladies, please if you are going to wear a white bra under your big hole lace, please make sure that the strap is clean.


5. Makeup: Someone stop me please. Where shall I start…hmmmmm make sure that your lips are not crusty when putting on lipstick. It is nasty to see crusty red lips. If I have to start talking about naija makeups.. I will be here until tomorrow.. I will save this topic for another day. Please use the mirror or consult a MAC makeup artist at your local shopping mall.

6. Crusty heels: It is nasty.. scrape it off.. spend the money for pedicure.. you are not in the village any more. At least soak it in some water and put some Vaseline on it. Crusty, flaking heels are not sexy.

7. Hair: Weave, weave, weave, I will leave this for another article…


8. Aso-Ebi: Please do not try to outstage the celebrant. (This one is for another article)

9. Skirt and blouse or style: Please pick a style that fits your body structure. We covered this topic in one of our previous edition of the magazine. I was at a party in Houston and a lady with size DDD was wearing a low cut blouse, every time she bent over to pick money for the celebrant, half of her breasts were on the floor. Please, it is not cute. I understand that after childbirth, some women have a little stomach bulge … please if you do, stay away from outfits that expose your stomach.. nasty… If you are unsure, please stick to Iro & buba. Iro & buba hide all body flaws.


10. Spraying musicians: I am guilty of this as much as the next person. Please let the celebrant enjoy his or her day. There is nothing more annoying than to watch an event video and over half of the time.. all we hear is someone’s name that is not the celebrant.

Next time a photographer does not take your picture at an event, you may be committing some of these mistakes. As we are getting ready for another season, I wish all of you a happy dancing and partying time.